Flashbacks

~ A camera scans a small, African village.  Black skin glistens in the sun, mingling with the flashing of machetes and the shimmer of fresh blood.  Crying fills the air.  Bodies fall and are cut to pieces by men wielding the machetes.  The men watch this horrible scene, video taped just a few minutes before by a reporter.  Shock and repulsion pour from their mouths as they watch the Genocide of  Rwanda.  One man speaks up with a glimmer of hope in his voice, "How can people watch this and not help but do something to intervene?"  The reporter looks up with tears in his eyes and says this unforgettable statement. "I think that when people turn on their TVs and see this footage, they'll say, "Oh my, that's horrible," and then they'll go back to eating their dinners."'  ~

~ A little boy cries in frustration.  His father is lying in a hospital dying, and he can do nothing about it.  This summer was supposed to be perfect.  What little boy wouldn't want to spend a whole summer with a dad who lives on the beach?  But what little boy, who invested his {everything} heart, soul, love, time {everything} in being with his dad, would want to suddenly find out that his dad is about to die?  As this little boy cries, he works rapidly, alone, to finish the project he had started with his daddy.  If he can get this stained glass window done before his daddy dies, then they can put it back in the Church window, and he can make is dad proud.  Bumping around, breaking glass, he's too short to reach, to small to get anything.  He cries in frustration, anger, pain.~

~Stammering, stuttering, trying to grasp words that are just out of his reach, he stands before a judge, fighting for the custody of his only child.  Does it matter that this man has only the mental capacity of a 7 year old?  He has raised this little girl since the day she was born, now they want to take her away?~

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These "rising action" sections in movies call for tears.  The time right before the climax is where the anticipation is almost, almost as high as it can be, but not quite.  During this part in a movie, the characters have developed and usually throw out a witty, humorous, or tear-jerking comment.  Sometimes these lines are used to ease the tension and bring laughter.  Other times, they simply build the tension.  

Why do we love movies?  How can a simple line from a fictitious character that we have only met 1 hour before, and never spoken a word to in our whole life, cause us to well up in tears?  How can watching a genocide that happened 4 years after I was born create such a sense of rage and injustice?  Watching a little boy cry as his father lays in a hospital dying practically made me flood the theater with tears {although I was able to hold them back, much to the delight of those around me}  A man, no less deserving of his child than any other man, cannot keep her.  Why?  Why do we connect to a movie with a strong emotional bond?

Movies speak to every human being {with the exception of some moms =D }   They portray normal people, living normal lives, lives very similar to our own, yet we LOVE to watch them.  How interesting would it be to watch a movie about you?  Not very?  Now how about if only the highlights of your life were shown, music added to epic portions, the parts where you fought with your parents, and any time the sun set?  Now, it might be more interesting.  

We love movies, because they are flashes of real life, without having the "real life" part.  (I know I'm stretching it a bit, but just play with me here)  We never have to watch the kitchen being cleaned up, food being eaten, time taken to sleep, the arguments that are never resolved.. yet we get to see the big picture.  We can see how it ends.  In a movie, you are privy to the ending.  You can watch the subtle, underlying annoyances which are actually there to grow and develop the character without missing the point.  In real life, those pesky people, the people who never seem to want to do what you want, the ones who are always a hindrance, and sometimes {the ones you take for granted} are the people who truly shape you and press you to God.  While watching a movies, it is so easy to yell "Common stupid! Open your eyes... *that* guy likes you and he is totally the one you should marry... not the ditsy one with the flashy hair!"  Or, "Oh my gosh, that person is totally going to help them improve {whatever} because they are just so annoying!"  In real life, we have to live with that person day in and day out. Not quite the same experience. 

Now, this may be a stretch, but I think that movies are so attractive because we all want to see "how life's gonna end" and a movie gives us that chance.  We see how a situation or person influences and changes a person throughout an amount of time.  Sympathy, empathy and an underlying desire to see how life is going to end allows us to watch a movie with a beating heart.  

As Christians, we long for the end of the story.  Sometimes our very spirit groans, cries out for peace.  {For heaven}  The uselessness with living on earth overwhelms us.  What good am I doing living here?  I affect no one, I am affected by no one.  Heaven is where I belong, where I was created to be.  That is where the movie analogy comes in.  Our life, our movie, is short in God's eyes.  He see's perfectly what the ending will be.  He can sit and "watch the show."  Sometimes, we can look back, and suddenly and its an "oh..." moment.  I see.  I understand when I look back, why the things happened which did, the circumstances which were so painful, were meant for something more.  It will happen this way over and over during our lifetime.  We watch our own movie slowly.  

But for now, until the time when we can look back, our hearts cry out for the end of the story.

 "¹ For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. ² For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven... ⁴ For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life. ⁵ Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee." 2 Cor 5:1-2,5

On The Joy of Suffering

Today in Church, we were reading through Acts 1-2.  The speaker was drawing parallels between the birth of the first Church and Old Testament prophesies and during this he threw out an interesting tidbit in Acts 1:8  "But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me.. to the end of the earth."  The first is this:  the word "power" comes from a base word that can also be translated as "dynamite." Secondly, "witness" is derived from a word that is translated "the one who dies for his faith" or a martyr. It is incredible that these words are paralleled for each other.  Christians, are in a sense, created to suffer.  From the birth of the first Church, until now, suffering and martyrs have been a key component in the life of a follower of Christ.  We suffer.  

But here is a key to the joy that a witness contains.  With the gift of the suffering, we have also been given the gift of "dynamite!"  Charged with power from the Holy Spirit, we can suffer with joy, we can "be witnesses to [Christ].. to the end of the earth."  Boldly proclaiming Christ because we have been empowered to do so.  

While in America, physical tribulation has not yet occurred, this does not mean that we no longer suffer.  When I chose to become a follower, I chose to submit myself to the painful process of perfecting in Christ.   I yielded my rights of the flesh and chose to be given a new {body+mind+soul}.  From that day forward, God began His perfect work in me, and trust me, at times it isn't pretty! 

Every year, every time I expect life to get better, it doesn't.  With each season, the battle between my old self and my redeemed spirit seems to rise.  Cross-roads, choices, decisions and goodbyes.  Who am I?  What do I believe?  What will I choose? 

This is all part of the process that I signed up for when I decided what my passion would be.  However, I missed the memo on suffering.  Who would have known that God is willing to bring me to the end, [like the fraying, dry rotted end] of my rope so that He can fully reveal Himself to me?  I would have never believed that I am stubborn enough to run to the end of the rope, jump, slip, suddenly grasping for dear life.... and then see His glory shine?  

Why must I suffer?  I think this quote from John Piper captures the point to suffering:

 "When everything in life is stripped away except God, and we trust Him more for it, this is gain and He is glorified."  This is the glory of the Christian. When He asks for everything, {everything} and still we trust Him to satisfy all of our human needs, all longings from our bleeding hearts, then He is glorified and we have just fulfilled the meaning of our very existence: Christ is glorified and we are satisfied. 

Easily said but not easily done. This winter on New Years Eve, a group of friends were having a time of worship and testimonies.  As the room filled with the first notes of "Blessed Be Your Name," and I was desperately trying to think of something good to say about how much I loved God, and how amazing my life was because of it (even though I knew deep down that at that time my life was not good and there was no way to twist or manipulate situations to make it look good and like everything was fine) suddenly, I was alone, in the dark and I knew that I was in the presence of the King.  The room was dark.  I could see nothing.  Kind of like how my life had been going.  I knew that Jesus must be leading my life, but I couldn't see Him.  Now, I stood in His throne room, in utter darkness and quiet, singing:

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's "all as it should be"
Blessed be You name
And blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name..." 

As I came to the lines "and blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering.. blessed be Your name.." my heart poured out everything and gave it again as an offering of pain and suffering.  I laid that offering in the dark.  My heart bled and bled, knowing that He had already taken everything away and I was just re-affirming that I wanted it that way.  Worship poured from my soul and tears began their decent.  At that moment, I knew what my testimony would be.  Lousy as it sounded, I stood before my friends, with the taste of the bitter dregs of the cup of suffering still in my mouth, and I did not give a "one time Jesus taught me such-and-such and now I'm so happy" testimony.  Those who heard it probably did not know the depth from which it came, but it was my vow to God, that I would continue to bless His name.  He is faithful.  Even during the blackest, darkest summer, fall, and winter of my life, when I could not see purpose, order or good, when I could see nothing {darkness} I knew that He was faithful. Without a doubt, as blind as a legally blind person, I stood there and testified that, although I could not see why, when I couldn't even see God, I knew that He was there, simply because His promises are true.  I knew that He is faithful so therefore, I knew that He would one day show Himself strong.   "I cannot see, I do not understand.  Even still I know that He is faithful."  

Four months ago, that was as far as my heart could see.. I know that He is faithful.  Well, faithful for what?  Then yesterday, I came across these verses and they answered my question.  

"...The Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ... and our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will be partakers of the consolation."  

What a promise!  "You are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will be partakers of the consolation."  This was the end to my sentence "He is faithful... to be there during the suffering and then to comfort after the suffering."  Consolation=comfort and Jesus is the "God of all comforts."  Therefore, we who suffer by His hand, shall also be comforted by His hand.  In the suffering, we can find joy because we know that we will then partake in the consolation.  

~What wondrous love is this?~